You know you've been cared for when...

A colleague of mine has not been doing well. Days past she was updating me on her lack of sleep. When she made it into work she’d come to me and tell me how she wasn’t feeling well for a subsequent day, or explain vaguely that there was a lot going on. The fact that she was short on details stood out to me. For a week she would sometimes work shorter days or call in sick altogether. As a team, we took on some of her responsibilities to lighten her load so that when she returned there was less for her to worry about. After missing nearly a week of work she returned to the office looking improved, like some, but not all of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders. That morning her and I were the first to arrive at work. She stepped into my office, closed the door slightly, and sat down.

My colleague told me the devastating cause of her recent sleep habits – it was her physical health and how poorly she was treated by medical professionals; their insensitivity and negligence sent her into mental turmoil. She told me everything. She would eventually tell each team member individually of her experience.

I was happy she opened up to me and let me in but I was later left with another consideration. Her story seemed so personal I could not imagine divulging in such a personal experience with colleagues. Colleagues whom I’m close with, who over the years have gotten to know my quirks and quarks, who I’ve supported, who I see daily, who I’ve watched go through life’s tribulations. Suddenly I wondered why I’ve held back to such comrades.

This occasion was not the first for this particular colleague to open up. In fact anyone close to her would know everything about her challenging in-laws, her parents back home, her tight extended family, new hubby, new hobby, what she had for dinner last night, and the silly conversations from yesterday that she knew would garner a laugh from any listener. Some might call her an over-sharer, and she is. However, as much as she reads you a page from her book, she’s very much there for everyone else. She tells you what she’s up against and what she’s looking forward to but you never leave feeling like she sucked the energy out of you. She tells you these things so casually.

Her oversharing has lead me to believe we should all over share a little more, but to do it with care so as to not void the listener of their own vivacity. I’ve opened up more with my colleagues, as a result of her joining our team, but not in search for a shoulder to cry on but to share, just because. It's a chance to let it out and let it go. Hiding our complicated lives makes living a little more complicated. Putting on an energized face when you’re tired, showing interest when you’ve got other matters on your mind, taking on more when you’ve already taken all you could take. It means the people around me know they’re not alone. Even better, we see each other’s limits and we can offer support.

I think about the moments I didn’t share at work or with a friend and wonder how things would have gone had I opened up. Would it have made my day easier (yes), would we be closer (maybe), would I have been judged (probably not).

Work has always been a place where, more than anywhere, I’ve held back. I was fraught with silence or fear of judgment with the thought of sharing and opening up. I salute my friends and colleagues with complicated lives who lead the conversation by telling me they’re working on themselves and follow with a snapshot of their life that leaves us both laughing hysterically. 

You know undoubtedly that you're being cared for when you feel better. Regardless of what form that care takes on, even if the situation hasn't changed but you feel lighter, someone has just carried the load for you. 

I was thinking of an image to include with this post and my favourite car song came to mind - it's shockingly fitting. She literally belts out this song and if yelling isn't cathartic, I don't know what is. Sometimes you've just got to let it out and let it go, in whatever shape that may take. 

4 Non Blondes lead singer Linda Perry
http://rebelmgmt.com/2014/04/17/linda-perrys-4-non-blondes-reunite/

4 Non Blondes - What's Going On (lyrics) 

Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
And I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means

And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?

And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?

ooh, ooh ooh

and I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution

And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?

And I say, hey hey hey hey

I said hey, what's going on?

Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope

For a destination

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